We Get to Decide our Thoughts
I am so pleased to have my friend and fellow coach share her thoughts with you here. This article and Tami’s Podcast: Her Restored Spirit, are something you are going to want to have on hand. Do yourself a favor and subscribe to her podcast. Better yet, listen to my episode with her here: Food Freedom is Life Freedom
By Tami Imlay from Tami Marie Coaching
Have you ever wondered why you try so hard to get healthy, but something ALWAYS seems to get in the way? Do you set new goals, buy all the food, sign up for the gym membership, and even find a workout and health buddy, but still fall short over and over again? The frustration builds, the evidence that this will NEVER work increases, the guilt and shame intensifies because you want it so bad but it always seems out of reach.
Friend! Take a deep breath. Let me let you in on a little secret. These feelings and thoughts are EXACTLY why you haven’t been successful. The frustration, evidence, guilt, and shame have been working to keep you right where you are. I call this area the “comfortable fear”. I know, I know! What the hell are you talking about comfortable fear? I am anything but comfortable and I’m afraid I will never have the life I want. I’ve tried everything and if I WANTED to stay here I would have given up years ago. I would have given up, giving up! I would just stay where I am. Stick with me for a few minutes while I explain and hopefully free you from years of feeling like you don’t have what it takes
Let’s start with the brain. Our brains are amazing and do so much for us. They keep us alive! But it comes at a price. In order to keep us alive, our brains have had to keep us safe. Keep us from dying. Keep us from doing things that will get us killed. Think sabertooth tiger- our brains had to help us make the choices that kept us from getting eaten alive. Our brain's goal is to keep us safe…not successful. In early times, safe meant we were successful, but now we define it in so many different ways. It isn’t enough to be alive, we want to FEEL alive!
To feel alive we have to do things out of our comfort zone. Our brains have not changed much over time except for the amount of information we process (that is an entirely different conversation). When we feel fear, it triggers our brains to stay right where we are. It is comfortable where we are because our brains understand what is happening. We may be unhappy, or feel guilt, and shame because we are not getting what we WANT, but we are getting what we need in the moment to live. This is what I mean by comfortable fear. It is not because we FEEL comfortable, but because we know this version of ourselves. We have gotten familiar with the thoughts and actions that keep us where we are. We have to intentionally get out of the “comfortable fear” that keeps us right where we are. We have to intentionally change the thoughts and actions that keep us safe.
Now that I explained that your brain is actually doing EXACTLY what it was designed to do, only now that’s not what we need from it…what can we do? I’m glad you asked! Here are three things you can do RIGHT NOW to combat the comfortable fear.
➡️ First, recognize that you are where you are and it’s not your fault. Your brain is keeping you right where you are because it is safe. You know how to live in this state. You may not be happy about it but you are still alive and will continue to live. These habits, patterns, and actions have been put into your subconscious, most likely before the age of five. That’s right, you read that right. Before the age of five! When you were five, did you concern yourself with the habits of the healthy? Most likely no, however, your brain was actively searching for how others processed the information and actions. Did you have people in your past who struggled with health concerns or weight issues? Your brain caught what they were doing and saying about it.
➡️ Second, now that you understand it's not your fault, you can accept it as your responsibility to change. To make a change, you have to shift things, you have to be willing to do something different. If nothing changes, nothing ever changes. One thing you can do is start to notice what you are saying to yourself when you struggle. We talk to ourselves in a way we would NEVER even dream of talking to a trusted friend. We say things to ourselves that would make our spouses, parents, or besties get angry if they heard! Listen to how you talk to yourself. If you would not say it to your best friend- do NOT say it to yourself! What would your friend say to you at that very moment? Shift your thoughts to what your friend would say to you. Picture your friend saying it to you. Write it down and read it back to yourself. However, you need to make it happen, do it! If you want to make changes it all starts with our thoughts! You get to choose your thoughts! Taking responsibility is as easy as deciding to think something different.
So far you have recognized how the past has played a role in your current situation and started to recognize your thoughts. Has any of this surprised you? Once you fully embrace what is to blame (safety not success or even desire) and that our thoughts have power (we get to choose how we speak to ourselves), then we are positioned to make lasting changes. ➡️ The third piece of the puzzle here is to decide in advance how you want to speak to yourself. What do you WANT to believe about yourself? Do you want to believe that this time is different? What do you need to say to yourself to believe it? Speak those words over you!
Friend, this is not a get healthy quick scheme, but it can bring lasting change. Our thoughts have power and we are the creator of our thoughts. You want this time to be different- then you need to think differently. Start by telling yourself how strong you are for not giving up with so many others! You’ve got this!
