6 Tips when Talking with Your Partner About Making Health Changes
This post is written by a GUEST AUTHOR: Cheri Timko , Relationship Coach with Synergy Coaching
Healthy Relationships Breed Healthy Changes
My husband and I do not have a perfect relationship, but we do try our best to learn how to communicate better with each other daily. When it comes to making BIG health and lifestyle changes, being on the same page is CRUCIAL to success. I love what Cheri has to offer and know you will find some relatable and practical tips presented in the article below.
Now is the time.
You made the decision to improve your health.
You put together a plan. You did the research and thought through how to handle meals and exercise.
You’re feeling hopeful.
You think, “This time is going to be different. This is the plan that I need to change how I feel about my body and how I interact with the world.”
But you know how fragile your resolve is.
One questioning look.
A thoughtless statement.
A sarcastic tone.
You know that your partner could sabotage your efforts without even realizing it.
You need your spouse to be on board.
Of course, you don’t need their permission. This isn’t the 1950s. You are independent.
But you don’t want to have to motivate yourself and work around them. Their doubt, their objections, their cross-purposes.
You don’t have the energy for that. You need to focus your energy on following your plan.
You need to get your spouse’s support.
This plan, and the changes you want to make will make things better for them, too. When you are healthier, you feel:
· Stronger
· More confident
· Sexier
· Bolder
Their life improves when you feel better about yourself. So, you need them to be on your side. Best case scenario: they join you in your plan. But it’s okay if they are your cheerleader on the sidelines.
What you don’t need are their objections, advice, questions, and negative opinions.
It doesn’t help you to hear things like:
· “That won’t be easy for you.”
· “What you should try is this other plan.”
· “Why will this be different than last time?!?”
· “This will be too hard on the rest of the family.”
· “I hope you don’t expect me to do that!!!”
Even thinking of their reaction makes you feel exhausted. Before you even get started. You need their help.
Tips to Talk with Your Spouse When You Want to Make Health-Related Change
1. Decide on Your Plan First
Identify your goals and put together a plan that you believe will help you reach those goals.
Then choose 1-2 steps. You will be more successful if you layer changes rather than do an overnight major overhaul. Make 1-2 small steps part of your everyday routine. Then add the next 1-2 small changes. The path to long-term change that sticks is making small changes that build up over time.
2. Pick Your Timing
Once you have your plan, choose a time to talk about it with your spouse. Choose a time when you are both relaxed. You know them best. Choose a time when they are most likely to hear you well. Decide if it is better to talk about this when:
· You have their full attention.
· The conversation is relaxed and wanders from topic to topic.
· You slip it between other events so they have time to think about it before discussing it.
· You create a time to talk about it.
3. Briefly Describe.
Be clear about what you are doing. Give them a short description. You don’t need to describe every detail unless they are interested.
Briefly share:
· Your plan for change.
· Why it’s important to you.
· How you think it will affect them.
4. Invite Them to Help
Share with them the ways they can help you be successful. State your wishes as a positive request.
Instead of:
“Please don’t sabotage my plan.”
Or: “Last time you brought home a lot of tempting foods I couldn’t eat and made it harder for me to stick to my plan.”
Or: “You’ve got a lot of problems, too. You need to do this with me.”
Say:
“You can support me by asking how it’s going.”
“You can support me by letting me deal with the problems on my own.”
“I will be cutting specific foods out of my meals. It would help me if you would put those foods in this cupboard. That way they won’t be as tempting to me, at least until I get the hang of this plan.”
“If you want to join me, meal planning will be easier for both of us. But I only want you to do it with me if you really believe it is a good idea for you.”
5. Don’t Convince
Know the key things that you want them to know and understand, then move on. It’s tempting to think that they will eventually be on board if you continue talking about it.
6. Believe What They Say
Learn something important from the conversation and believe what they say.
· If they want to join you, that’s great. You can move forward as a team.
· If they are skeptical or make objections, you will need to find other support. In this case, identify an accountability partner, supportive group, or coach. You need someone who can encourage you and help you work through the challenges.
Of course, making health changes is easier if your spouse is on board and supportive. However, most couples don’t work this way. That doesn’t mean that you can’t make important changes. It does mean that you need to make sure that you get the support that you need.
Talking with your spouse to share your plan is the best way to get their support. If that doesn’t work, give them some time to see your results. Focus your energy on the changes you are making.
As you become a healthier, more confident version of yourself, you will feel bolder in all areas of your life, including your marriage. So, keep your eye on the real goal—personal change. The rest will come even if your partner isn’t fully on board at the beginning.
Cheri Timko is a Couples Relationship Coach and Psychotherapist. She helps couples deepen their connection so they can live out the relationship they dream of. You can get more examples of “Say this instead of that” in her weekly digest found below.
